As far as cumming is concerned, it’s fair to say that we still live in a man’s world. During straight sex, as soon as a guy cums, it’s pretty much game over unless the guy is willing to go that extra mile, or the girl finishes herself off (which is unlikely if they’re too worried to tell him what they really want in the first place). It’s harder for girls to cum, this isn’t some new revelation. But how did we get here and how the fuck are we going to get past it?  

According to Ailsa Frank, a hypnotherapist and author of the book ‘Cut the Crap and Feel Amazing’: “Recent porn creates sexual behaviour which is male pleasing, which can leave men and women confused as to what it is that women really want.

“This leaves us with women getting so caught up about pleasing their partners, rather than directing partners to please them,” she says.

Inspired by the many female clients who admitted to drinking alcohol to elevate their confidence and relaxation during sex, Ailsa created a hypnosis download called ‘Comfortable sex for women’.

She explains that what our minds are exposed to becomes part of the subconscious programming of what we do.

So, if all women see in porn, or in the media, is how to please a man, then naturally this becomes the prevailing thought when getting down to business. Obvious, right!? You’d think so, but here we are.

This has the dangerous effect of women viewing sex as a “theatrical performance to make the man feel good about himself” she says.

I mean, if they’re getting off to some actors on the screen faking orgasms then it makes sense that this is what women often try to reciprocate.  

But it’s time to face the facts.

Put your porn down for a second, educate yourself on real sex, and communicate.

It is no one’s duty to live up to this false, unrealistic and damaging perception that porn portrays.

It is our right to have incredible orgasms and find what makes you tick. You are a real person, with unique preferences.

“Every woman is different, so it is okay to say no to what you don’t want, and it is important to take back control over what you do want,” Ailsa says.

Porn can give false expectations and, yes, it might give some of us our quick horny fix, but it can be more sex life than they think.

It is often a false representation of how long the everyday man can last and c’mon, no penis is exactly ‘small’ in porn is it?

Let’s be honest, there is nothing sexier than real pleasure, real orgasms and real connection. Communication and exploration will give you more than wanking on your own to some porn ever will.

But porn isn’t all to blame. Sex can be an extremely overwhelming thing, its intensely intimate and we make ourselves pretty damn vulnerable.

It’s natural that we might not feel totally comfortable to talk about what we want and, female orgasms are complex, not only do men struggle to understand them, but a lot of women do too.

Most girls grow up keeping HUSH about touching themselves and exploring their own bodies, so by the time they have sex they’re still clueless about what makes them tick.

If you’re left feeling unfulfilled after sex, this can have detrimental effects on our mental health: expert opinion

So, it’s time to make each other feel amazing and make sex an act of real pleasure and enjoyment, rather than a performance.

Her hypnosis download ‘Comfortable sex for women’ is an “enjoyable relaxation recording to liberate the true inner sexual you.” It helps the subconscious mind to get into the habit of an enjoyable sex life and smash through any disruptions or negative patterns towards sex you’ve accumulated over time. Check it out over here.

So, lets get exploring, communicating and finishing with full satisfaction for both you and your partner!

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