Over on Insta, we opened up our DM’s to discuss communicating during sex and we got a lot of responses from both girls and guys who feel the same way. It can be awkward, there is a lot of pressure on performance and a lack of communication often leads to a bad time. Here, HUSH try to make sense of why talking about sex can be a bit of a taboo, answer your problems and give a few cheeky tips to keep that bed rocking.
“On a day to day basis you can’t get a word in edge ways having a conversation with my boyfriend. So why when we are getting down and dirty do we keep things so HUSH?”…
Since we’ve been young we have been taught to use special disguising words to talk about sex. Make love, hooha, sleep with, fornicate, get laid, hook up, intercourse, the list goes on. With such a range of vocabulary to say that we’re shagging why do we still find ourselves so silenced in the bedroom?
When we asked HUSH readers, we were shocked to reveal that so many of you also feel the same and are all keeping things so quiet about what makes us cum.
“When a guy asks you ‘did you cum’ how are you supposed to say no, feels easier to fake it”, said one HUSH reader.
“If I didn’t fake it, it would be like I’m just lying there with a dick in me and that’s not a nice feeling”, said another.
At the end of the day, what’s more awkward, having bad and unsatisfying sex or just growing a pair and talking about how to make you both tick?
Research has found that about 70 percent of women fake orgasms, and the worrying thing is, faking it is only training partners to continue doing precisely what doesn’t work.
The facts show that only 18 percent of women orgasm from penile thrusting alone, but it seems like not everyone understands that.
The other 95 percent say their most reliable route involves clitoral stimulation, either alone (e.g oral sex) or coupled with intercourse (e.g. using vibrator during sex).
“They clearly didn’t know how to stimulate so I faked it so he could stop”, one HUSH reader admitted.
We had a lot of responses from both girls and guys who say they feel like there would be a lot less pressure on performance if we could speak about what exactly it is that gets us going.
That is definitely easier said than done however, and straight up saying ‘no’ when they ask ‘was that good for you’ isn’t always the most comfortable thing to do.
“I always fake it because I don’t want my partner to feel bad”, said another HUSH reader.
But why should we deprive ourselves of having great sex, if all it takes is a little more conversation?
If you’re stuck for words, here are some points to keep in mind:
Chances are that once you start the convo, you won’t be the only one feeling this way. It only takes one little comment to get the convo flowing, and if the person you’re with can’t hack that, they’re probably not the one. Suggest something new you fancy trying, we guarantee it will go down well.
SWITCH OFF YOUR INNER TABOO
The media often shames sexual pleasure and tells us it is something that shouldn’t be spoken about. We are telling you, switch that off, right now. Sexual pleasure isn’t just something we should be talking about, it is something we should be shouting about! There’s absolutely no shame in sexual pleasure, or talking about your own sexual pleasure. Bad sex on the other hand is shameful.
HAVE A GIGGLE
Being vocal doesn’t mean you have to initiate a serious deep convo. BE positive, rather than saying ‘you’re doing it wrong’ and probably making things awkward and uncomfortable, be empowered enough to say ‘let’s try it this way’ instead. Guide their hands where you want them to go, suggest something you think will be fun. Sex is meant to be fun, so have fun with it. Certainly DO NOT be embarrassed about little stumbles or the awkward changing of positions, sex isn’t like what it is in the movies.
There’s no shame in saying stop. Just because you’ve started sex doesn’t mean you have to see it through. If its not feeling right for you then be sure to STOP.
We have loved hearing from so many of you over on Instagram and it’s reassuring to know that so many of us are feeling the same way. THAT IS WHAT HUSH ARE HERE FOR. our DM’s are always open for anyone who wants a chat, there will never be any boundaries or judgement here, so let us know what is on your minds and we will shout about it!